Maternity leave

So I said in my “My Space” that I would tell ya’ll more about maternity leave (ML) later- I guess now is later!

I took ML a week early because I had some crazy Braxton-hicks and didn’t want to go into labor in front of all my students. Plus, the doctor had told me on Wednesday September 26 that there would be no way I would make it to the weekend; in fact, she would be “SHOCKED” if I had this baby in October… fast forward to a WEEK later, October 3rd! ah, first thing I said when the OB go to the delivery room, “You’d be shocked?!?” Oh well, it makes for a great story, and even better when I add that I went into labor at Walmart (gotta keep it classy afterall!)

Okay, back to ML… everything was going great, except I was exhausted, having trouble breast feeding, awkwardly dealing with all of the family in town, trying to keep the house together, trying to be supermom/wife from the get-go… Okay, so things were hectic and crazy, not really great. In fact, I’ll admit that after bringing home the baby, my husband and I even had an open conversation that could be titled, “what were we thinking?!”

Luckily, within a week, things started to balance out. The extended family went back to normal, my husband went back to work, and here I was with this little-bitty baby, still trying to breastfeed. We had finally fallen into a good routine when BAM! I got mastitis and my supply plummeted. Breast-feeding went from awfully terrible to tremendously impossible! All of this, combined with the fact that I was still trying to be super mom and wife stressed me out… at least, I thought I knew what stress was, until I got a stomach bug ON TOP OF the mastitis. Then, I just couldn’t eat. So here I was, not eating, not sleeping, and in a lot of pain. At 6am on a Friday morning, I collapsed in the kitchen. My husband had to call his mom to come watch the baby, so I could get to the hospital for fluids.

Thank God for Mother-in-laws (said no one before me, ever!) But seriously, thank God for mine. She drove all the way from Houston on a moment’s notice, so I could go get healthy.

After my half-day in the hospital, I felt better and was ready to turn things around. My OB made me quit breast-feeding (I gave it my best shot and it just wasn’t working), I started eating again, and I started taking naps when the baby would sleep, so I could catch up on rest.

So why did I still think I could never be a SAHM? Simple. I was lonely and bored. We had just moved to our new house far north of our previous place; my best friend had just moved to England, and none of my other friends lived near me anymore. Either way, no one else I knew had a baby. So…  I took my baby up to my workplace at least twice a week, just so I could be around people! I just needed some real human contact, and I am not great at meeting new people. Also, moms scared me. I thought, her I am this young mom with w new baby. All other moms are just going to judge me..right? I couldn’t be more wrong! Thanks to a few phone calls with a friend of mine, I was convinced to put myself out there.  I took Bubsy to the “babies and books” program at the library where I met several new moms- including one from my neighborhood. She in turn got me hooked into this neighborhood play date group. Another new mom I met has become my newest close friend, and she recently got me into this ‘exclusive’ new moms meet-up group.

By the time ML was over, I was ready to get back to work and routine, but my new friendships and love for my baby planted the seed of thought that I might just be able to do to SAHM thing.

Maternity-leave

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I’m baaaacckkkkk

So obviously, with my week+ long absence, being a SAHM has shown to be very challenging. One thing I really miss- email/computer time! I guess I was pretty ambitious (okay, naïve) when I thought I’d start blogging…daily. Ha! I think, however, I will be back more often as Nathan and I start to get into a rhythm. It seems so far that major nap times are around 10:30 and 4:30 with a cat nap in between. I have officially started my weekly cleaning schedule as well. I will share that as soon as it is refined. Overall, I am LOVING this new job. I will say I thought I would have more energy, but this kid is wearing me out!

Missing my computer breaks already!

Missing my computer breaks already!

YOLO!

As my time as a teacher comes to a close, I find myself still having “teacher” thoughts. For example, this morning, the radio DJ starting talking about how “amazing” has been rated as the most overused word in 2011, 2012, and now 2013. He then played a clip from a video someone put together on YouTube of the British X-factor judges demonstrating his point. I started mentally constructing a magnificent (notice I didn’t use ‘amazing’) lesson plan about word choice and using higher level language. That’s when the reality of this life change hit me. I am definitely excited, but simultaneously, I am scared. How are we going to manage on one paycheck? What if I hate it? Am I really ready to do what I never thought I could? The simple answer: I just don’t know. What I do know is that Bubsy is already 8 months old, and I feel I have missed so much; so, I guess I am just going to jump into this amazing (yup! I said it) new adventure screaming YOLO!

God’s Will

Romans 8:28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. 

Before I was really ready to confront my husband with the resolve to stay home, I put my options in the Lord’s hands. I prayed for God to send me in the direction the He wanted. Is my calling to stay home and raise my family, or is it to continue teaching, but in a new venue? Shortly after our little chat and the death of my boss, God put it on my heart to stay home. My husband knew I was serious when I came to him with tears in my eyes stating that “I will do whatever it takes, even sell my car”. He knew I was serious when I offered up my precious Acadia, and I think he really was hoping I would make the decision I did because he hugged me and while he held me, said we didn’t have to do that.

Fast forward a couple months later. I put in my notice at work, I told all of my friends, and I started a blog about staying home, and then the phone rings. A certain prominent ISD wants to interview me for a wonderful position. He we go, Lord. Is this a trick? A test? I had applied to this district before I made my decision, and I didn’t pursue it any further thinking I didn’t need to anymore. Also, a few days later, I ran into a neighbor/friend who was trying to help me get a job in my dream ISD- the one in which I reside.  A few months ago, it had appeared that no positions would be available and working in this ISD would be a fay away fantasy… WRONG! She informed me that not only had a position opened up at her school, but also, one opened up on her team, and she could get me an interview. Geeeeezzzzzz….. What is a girl of God supposed to do with that?! I still don’t know. I told her I had decided to stay home, but I am really questioning my decision. I am going to interview next week with the first ISD, and I am hoping that God shows where He wants me to be.

help

 

 

Monsters

The Moore, OK tornado made my heart hurt so badly. I can’t imagine what it would be like to lose Bubsy at all- let alone under those horrifying circumstances. My stomach turns when I see the images and hear the tragic stories of children gone too soon. The tornado happened on Monday, and big storms were headed towards Dallas come Tuesday. I was a nervous wreck the entire morning. My head understands that the chances of an EF-5 or EF-5 hitting two days in a row are slim to none, but my heart was irrational, and I couldn’t stop picturing one of those monsters barreling towards my son’s day care center. All day at work, I kept a nervous eye on the weather, wishing it was June 11th already, and I could be at home with Bubsy all of the time. Luckily (maybe sadly), most of the metro-plex was nervous and a lot of schools let their students get home early (before the big storms were due) including my campus.

As I rushed towards the day care, the ominous clouds formed in my rear view mirror. I was being unreasonable to panic so much, so I called my oldest and best friend to gain some perspective. I told her how I couldn’t figure out why I was so anxious- that it was shaping up to be just another regular storm. Her response made it so clear, “you are not in control. It didn’t matter before Bubsy, but now you have him to make it matter”. *palm meet forehead* I was having a mom moment. This is part of motherhood I have come to loathe. I hate the constant and often ridiculous worries I have. I hate the nightmare, the staring at the monitor in the middle of the night and secretly hoping he wakes to tell you he is alive. I hate that I have to trust another to care for him. I hate not being in complete control.

One thing for certain is that I have built a stronger relationship with God since discovering I was pregnant because the power of prayer helps to drown out the constant din of uneasiness. So for Moore, for my son, for their future, for his, I will just pray. I will pray for the monsters in life to stay away.

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